Wednesday, October 22, 2014

of timeless and selfless love ! R.I.P

To begin with I make an observation about the writing process that I unconsciously follow. I have many themes in my mind on which I decided that I will sit down and write. But writing I believe is not just the activity of conscious mind, but also the sub conscious as well. Often I have written about stories that touch me , topics that engage me and then realised  that they speak of matters, that concern me the most. 11OCT’2-14,I was fearing every single passing day because your reclusiveness had shown me signs of danger. I have known, and I hate to agree that your end was near. At the same time, I wanted your pain to subside. I prayed for something that was impossible, i knew but yes I hoped against hope.
Your presence has been so astounding and loving all the time. I see you around and I feel loved. You were so young and delicate when we first brought you here. And life was topsy turvy. From exam stress, to discussing relationships, my short timed crushes, you name it and, we have talked it all. The daily jabs at side park and evening walks. Singing songs after dinner and your never ending poo-breaks. Life was so engaging all this while. Now when I am back, I feel lost, estranged. Like an alien who is into some foreign land, looking for you everywhere but to no avail. The news made me psychologically profoundly disturbed and traumatised. It is difficult to sink in that fact.  Now was the time when you have grown up and we could start doing some sane things in life. Remember the time we talked about my marriage and your role. How ugly this phase is, and no matter however hard it is, there is an empty space within me which longs for your presence.  All said, you are irreplaceable . I do not think there could be anyone else on this earth with whom I can be with the same madness, Let alone sharing thoughts. Our world was so beautiful, beyond imagination, unconditionally true and bonded by selfless affection. 
There are a few times when I am unavoidably reminded of the fact that you were an animal, I certainly do not think so. Animals are said to not have heart, but you did, a heart of gold. A heart which gave us in so many ways that we could not give back. Made our lives much simpler and happier in every possible way. It was your heart which I can die for. Your life has been a lesson . a lesson taken and well remembered always. Missing you will not be an option because I will keep your idea of life of giving selfless love and happiness intact within me.
 Forgive me for the fact that I will continue to miss you and feel alone at times. I hate to agree but I  still lookout for you during my meals(because it reminds me of how i would give u food stealthily under the table when papa wasn’t watching) , my wake up sessions, my study times, the times when I cried and you could understand the reason why  and of course at every single second and with   passing day. You will stay with me always.
May your soul rest in peace! Keep an eye on me, because that will make me feel your presence. I seek your love and I believe you will be more happier up there but I would still want you to  come down again and be a part of me. I will be always waiting max!
Forever LOVE ** Max**
Bestfriend/love/part time mommy