To begin with I make an observation about the writing
process that I unconsciously follow. I have many themes in my mind on which I
decided that I will sit down and write. But writing I believe is not just the
activity of conscious mind, but also the sub conscious as well. Often I have
written about stories that touch me , topics that engage me and then realised that they speak of matters, that concern me
the most. 11OCT’2-14,I was fearing every single passing day because your
reclusiveness had shown me signs of danger. I have known, and I hate to agree
that your end was near. At the same time, I wanted your pain to subside. I
prayed for something that was impossible, i knew but yes I hoped against hope.
Your presence has been so astounding and loving all the
time. I see you around and I feel loved. You were so young and delicate when we
first brought you here. And life was topsy turvy. From exam stress, to
discussing relationships, my short timed crushes, you name it and, we have
talked it all. The daily jabs at side park and evening walks. Singing songs
after dinner and your never ending poo-breaks. Life was so engaging all this
while. Now when I am back, I feel lost, estranged. Like an alien who is into
some foreign land, looking for you everywhere but to no avail. The news made me
psychologically profoundly disturbed and traumatised. It is difficult to sink
in that fact. Now was the time when you
have grown up and we could start doing some sane things in life. Remember the
time we talked about my marriage and your role. How ugly this phase is, and no
matter however hard it is, there is an empty space within me which longs for
your presence. All said, you are
irreplaceable . I do not think there could be anyone else on this earth with
whom I can be with the same madness, Let alone sharing thoughts. Our world was
so beautiful, beyond imagination, unconditionally true and bonded by selfless
affection.
There are a few times when I am unavoidably reminded of the
fact that you were an animal, I certainly do not think so. Animals are said to
not have heart, but you did, a heart of
gold. A heart which gave us in so many ways that we could not give back.
Made our lives much simpler and happier in every possible way. It was your heart
which I can die for. Your life has been a lesson . a lesson taken and well
remembered always. Missing you will not be an option because I will keep your
idea of life of giving selfless love and happiness intact within me.
Forgive me for the
fact that I will continue to miss you and feel alone at times. I hate to agree
but I still lookout for you during my
meals(because it reminds me of how i would give u food stealthily under the
table when papa wasn’t watching) , my wake up sessions, my study times, the
times when I cried and you could understand the reason why and of course at every single second and with passing day. You will stay with me always.
May your soul rest in peace! Keep an eye on me, because that
will make me feel your presence. I seek your love and I believe you will be
more happier up there but I would still want you to come down again and be a part of me. I will be
always waiting max!
Forever LOVE ** Max**
Yours,
Bestfriend/love/part time mommy
Bestfriend/love/part time mommy
